The boy behind the uniform

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An illustrated journey through childhood, sadness, teenage struggles, addiction, homelessness, recovery and becoming a prison officer.

When I look at this picture, I recognise parts of my own life. The child, the sad boy, the struggling teenager, the man caught in addiction, the homelessness, the recovery, and the uniform I wear today.

Seeing it laid out like that brings up a lot. I think about the boy I was before I understood much about myself, and how being badly bullied affected the way I saw myself and other people. I carried hurt, shame and anger that I struggled to make sense of.

Looking back now, I have more compassion for that young person. I wish he had understood that what happened to him did not make him worth less.

Addiction and homelessness became part of my story too. There were things I needed help with and things I had to take responsibility for. Learning to be honest about both became an important part of my recovery.

I was helped by treatment, meetings, structure and people who gave their time and care. People who listened, challenged me and helped me see that I could live differently. I am grateful for that, because I know how much those people mattered.

I have now been sober for eight years. There are still things I am learning about myself.

Today I work as a prison officer. I carry those earlier experiences into that work. I believe in boundaries, responsibility and accountability, and I believe people deserve to be treated with dignity. When somebody is struggling, I try to remember how much they might be carrying that I cannot see.

The man in uniform and the man sitting in the doorway belong to the same story. Remembering that matters to me.

Recovery can lead to many different lives. In mine, it has given me the chance to build relationships, take responsibility and do work where I hope I can help somebody else.

That is also why I created Quiet Strength Recovery: to share the practical things that helped me, in the hope that someone else might find something useful.

If you recognise yourself in a difficult part of this picture, I hope you can look at yourself with a little kindness. Accepting help was an important part of how my life began to change.

And if you are looking at someone who is struggling, leave some room for the person you have not got to know yet.

Chris

Quiet Strength Recovery and Quiet Sisters Recovery offer free educational and peer-support tools from lived experience, for people in recovery and the partners, family and friends affected by addiction.

Explore the free apps and workbook

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